I find myself shaking my head as I watch the abysmal television adaptation of L.J. Smith’s lovely The Secret Circle. Not only is it one of those awful “the music tells what’s happening when no one is talking!” shows, it’s also one of those pieces of media that takes a couple of character names from the book, a very, very vague storyline from the plot, and smooshes them together in an angsty attempt at recreating Twilight.

It bloody sucks. (Spoilers ahead.)

If you are a fan of the books, don’t even bother. Not one character is remotely similar to his or her book counterpart; even Faye’s devilishness doesn’t work with her baby-girl, looks-like-she’s-twelve actress. My favorite character (Deborah) is completely cut; in fact, she and Susan are “smooshed” (see what I mean?) into a single character known as Melissa. The Henderson kids are also apparently missing. In fact, the complete circle is only six! Imagine that.

The guys all look and act the same brooding way; if they didn’t tell you who was who, you’d never know. None of the parents, teachers, etc. are the same as they were in the book, either (in fact, ones who are dead are alive—and vice versa! What was the point of using the book in the first place?).

Forget the whole Cassie-and-Adam meeting before the move. Forget Cassie looking plain, Diana being blonde and pure; instead, she’s super annoying, clichéd, and seems as if she, too, should be in middle school rather than high school. (The actresses that play her and Cassie actually should be switched, I think; Emma Roberts would also be a great Cassie.) I am going to have a hard time imagining this girl donning the diadem for ritual later in the series, if I stick around that long. I’m all about artistic license, but this is ridiculous. The big question is whether or not the show can stand up on its own as an entertaining hour; it cannot. It’s boring and overdone.

I wasn’t a fan of The Vampire Diaries, so I didn’t bother watching that one. But I grew up on The Secret Circle and, though the previews weren’t promising, I was hoping for… I don’t know. Something that was at least enjoyable. Instead, it’s your typical CW teen show, only with less intelligent dialog than, say, Dawson’s Creek. (Why is that, by the way? Everything since then seems to be so dumbed down for today’s youth. My generation had My So-Called Life, Dawson’s Creek, Daria… The first two definitely weren’t for me, but at least they could all speak in complete sentences.)

If you want Smith, read her books. Don’t hope for any of the meaningful connections or bewitching feelings from the show; they won’t be there. And why are they making this series, anyway, when there is Night World (albeit incomplete) to be made? Of course, that would probably be destroyed as well, which would crush me (especially if my Jez from Huntress is dumbed down into one of these caricatures). A Night World movie, perhaps?